Thoughts From A Terminal

Sitting here at the beginning of my 8-hour layover in the Seattle airport I'm struck by how emotional this week has been.  Since returning to Bend Monday evening I've basically been tying up loose ends and attempting to be responsible and get everything in order before today.  I didn't leave much time to see everybody and anybody before I left, but those who did make an effort to come out to my parents house and spend a bit of time with me truly made me feel so blessed.

These last few months have been a hard chapter to put a bookmark in (note: not close).  Graduating from college seems so long ago that I can hardly remember what it feels like to be in a classroom, and moving in with Mike and Damian feels like it happened years ago instead of merely months.  This summer I promised myself I would try to take more risks and embrace life in the moment, that I would say yes to adventures that I typically might have declined.  I can easily say without a doubt that if some key people were missing in my life over the past few months I would not be as emotionally attached to my life in Oregon as I find myself presently.  I remember talking with a friend in Portland a while back about how if I built a life for myself in Korea and really enjoyed it there I might not be back for quite some time.  That sentiment didn't strike one single emotional chord in me, and I felt that it really might be the truth.  And while I still believe that if this experience is one that I can enjoy for longer than a year that I will do just that, I still can't help but think of what I'm missing out on back home and how incredibly emotional that makes me.

Lots of things change in a year, that's the thought that I keep coming back to.  I know that a year from now the people in my life will have changed and grown up and ventured down different avenues of their lives, but that doesn't make the leaving part any easier.  I'm so happy and content with where I am personally, and in so many of my relationships.  It's difficult to feel like I'm just putting a hold on such a great deal of those friendships that have been so incredibly beneficial to me as of late.  I know that this move doesn't mean the end of the world, but not being able to see my favorite familiar faces every day is not a thought I've yet wrapped my mind around.

I was writing one of my very best friends a note a few days before I left, and as I was writing it and begun to express how incredibly much he means to me, I was struck with a terrifying thought of not being able to talk to him when I needed him most while I'm gone.  This summer has been so funny, it feels like I've almost found my other half in the friend realm, like I'm not quite sure how I existed so long without him.  We laugh so hard, we're so supportive of each other, we practice the strictest forms of tough love, and at the end of every day no matter what we've said or done to one another there's no questioning the fact that we still have each other's backs 100%.  I'm so so so blessed to have been able to spend so much time with Damian this summer, and wouldn't trade a minute of it for a minute with anybody else.  The biggest challenge now, for me, is remembering how great it is to have that person there to support you and listen to you bitch and complain and whatever else you need, but also realize that sometimes you have to be that person for yourself.  It's going to be a learning opportunity, for sure, but I'm up for the challenge.  And if I get too sad I guess I can always just move home (kidding, mostly).

I listened to this song on repeat at the airport for the better part of an hour today... I really like it, so I'm sharing it with you people now, too.